Last Night

As a member of the Area 3 Writing Project, a cohort of the National Writing Project, we're given time to write. Here was my draft from this morning. It's rough, but authentic... Last night, after a long afternoon of play with his dad, Abe came crawling into bed with me. He pulled the covers up over his chin, petted my shoulder and said “night, night mommy.” My heart melted as I looked into his innocent eyes. He smiled and rested his head back on the pillow. Then he started snoring... Abe isn’t a snorer. In fact, he’s a quiet, squirmy sleeper. I know from many nights of having him in bed with me. Abe’s dad, however, is a snorer. Often times Abe and I will be up in the morning and make fun of the loud noises coming from the bedroom or couch, where he’s sleeping and snoring. Abe’s version of the snore isn’t quite right, but he gets the basic noise down. Whenever Abe pretends to sleep the daddy snore comes out. I looked over at Abe, trying to hold my giggles back. Here was my 2.5 year old, trying to avoid sleep, curled up next to me, pretending to sleep so he wouldn’t have to leave my side. Slowly he opened his eyes, caught me looking at him and decided it was a good time to tackle mommy. He lunged at me, bear hugged my neck, and grunted with the enormous effort it took to launch himself the two feet over to me. As a strained to catch my breath he started giggling. I picked him up, set him down next to me and told him to be gentle. That didn’t last long... Instead, Abe stood up, jumped over to me and tried to catch me in a bear hug again. Luckily I caught him before he came crashing down on my chest, turned him over and dropped him into the pillow. Well, that got the giggles to turn into a raucous laughter. The dog got involved and Abe had to tackle to dog away from his mommy. I tried hiding under the covers which just made it worse. Bedtime was never going to happen. Eventually Abe settled, was walked to bed by his dad, and fell quietly asleep. Before I could close my eyes I imagined what life with Abe would be like a year from now. I doubt much would change. Abe is such a fun-loving, goofy kid. He’ll still think it’s funny to tackle mommy, tackle the dog, and avoid sleeping. Five years from now it might be different. He’ll be seven, in elementary school, and have a lot more independence. His reliance on mommy would lessen. I hope he’ll still be so excited after not seeing me for a day that he’ll want to bear hug me, I just hope he’ll grow out of jumping on me by then. Ten years from now he’ll be 12 and in middle school. Will he be too cool to even give me a hug? Will I have to ask for hugs? Will my fun-loving, goofy kid cuddle with me? I hope so. I adore him so much and want him to know that through those difficult, awkward middle school years, mommy’s still there for him. If he won’t bear hug me, maybe I’ll just need to bear hug him. Twenty years from now I hope my little boy is graduating from college. I hope after he walks across the stage, takes his diploma, he’ll search for me in the audience waiting to bear hug me again. He’ll be taller than me, wrap his arms around me, and thank me for being his mom. I’ll thank him for never straying too far away from that little boy who bear hugged me in bed just to avoid going “night night”.

Thank goodness for nieces and nephews

I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew (so far... hopefully my brother will have another kid). My oldest nieces and my only nephew are my brother-in-law and sister-in-law's kids. They're 10, almost 9, and 7. When I first had Abe they thought he was cute and cuddly like a new puppy. They wanted to hold him, but that was it. They were too young to be really helpful. As Abe got older and more mobile they thought he was still cute but they didn't know how to play with a baby. He could crawl and look at stuff, but this whole baby thing was forgein to them. Isaiah, my nephew, was the most anxious to play with Abe. As the only boy he wanted a little brother and Abe filled that void. Now that Abe is 2 1/2 is into everything and wants to do everything. Isaiah LOVES his little cousin. He'll chase after him when Abe runs away, show him is toys, bring out his own toys for Abe to play with, and shower him with hugs. The two of them are adorable together. My nieces, Elanor and Issabelle, tolerate Abe and will play with him, but Issabelle seems kind of afraid of him (he's a little tank and plays rough with her tiny frame) and Elanor likes being in charge so Abe is the ultimate follower in her mind. When he disobeys she gets annoyed. Overall, Abe's cousins really do love him and look forward to his visits. I hope this continues because as my nieces and nephew get older I don't want Abe to get left behind.

Last week, I took my son to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom all by myself. Now, some people think it's odd, but I am all for leashes for children that can't be safe. My son has NO fear and will run off into any crowd he chooses. He loves people, seeing things, and wants to do everything. Instead of him getting lost or kidnapped, he gets leashed. Eventually he'll grown out of this need to run, but until then in crowded areas I have no problem leashing my kid (that's not to say he doesn't hold my hand or listen, he's just an active kid and doesn't want to slow down for anything). As a mom, I was overwhelmed with Six Flags all by myself. Abe can be a handful. While adorable and wonderful, it was quite an experience. I took great pictures and had a lot of fun, but 4.5 hours at an amusement park and I was ready to go home.

Today, my in-laws are coming with us. My brother-in-law, sister-in-law, nieces, and nephew will be joining us. I am so thankful. Abe will be completely enthralled with his cousins and give me a bit more freedom. They will hold his hand, keep him on track, climb the play structure with him, and go in the water areas with him. While they're on rides Abe and I can visit the animals, have a snack, and go on "baby" rides. I am much more looking forward to today now that they'll all be there. It should be fun, adventurous, and not completely drain me of energy.

Just finding out...

This past Sunday I found out I was pregnant again. I just had that feeling. You know, the one that says "all signs point to this outcome dummy". So I took a test, got a positive result, which I knew would happen, then told my husband, called my mom, and texted my brother and sister-in-law. Due to a previous miscarriage this announcement won't be making the rounds on Facebook (for awhile) and won't be told publicly for quite some time, but this Babycenter app told me I should start a pregnancy journal, so here I am- blogging (how 21st century of me...). And I know, this is completely public to the world and even my family could see this if they cared to look, but they won't so I feel like I cna write and share my experiences with other moms-to-be. So, while I am happy to be pregnant, I am also feeling off about it. My first pregnancy, that ended in miscarriage, felt a lot like this one, so that scares me. No "normal" symptoms. I had implantation bleeding, I have headaches all the time, but food aversions and cravings, nausea, and sore boobs haven't occurred. On top of that, this baby I'm carrying now would have a birthday less than 2 weeks after the baby I lost. I try not to think of the omens, but they're in the back of my mind. I am also feeling a little less than thrilled because I FINALLY found a workout activity I really like. In April I started Kung Fu. I am truly loving every minute of it. It's a great workout, make me feel powerful, and is the one thing I've really stuck to in my weight loss journey. I did tell my instructor because being accidentally kicked in the stomach is something I'd like to avoid, and he says we can "work around this" but what he really means is "you can't do everything so don't try". I don't really want to fall behind in my training. I am so close to moving up belts. It really needs to happen sooner than later because I can't very well roll around on the floor 9 months, or even 5 months, pregnant. I know I seem like a selfish person, but when I finally thought I had some time to wait to get pregnant, and we weren't really trying, here this new baby comes. I know when I see him or her on the first ultrasound, or feel the baby kick for the first time, I'll feel more connected and loving. Now I feel confused and like a bad mom. This is my baby! I should feel connected already. I did with my son. That's the other thing. My son is amazing. He's funny, silly, loving, smart, and everything I thought a kid could be. I feel like I might have to sacrifice some of that for a new baby. We spend so much time together. We play together, go on adventures together, hang out together, water the plants toegther, etc. Will a new baby take away from that? Will Abe resent my for that? So, many questions...

Abe reviewing peas

I have been wanting to post this video for awhile. I love my son tremendously. He has such a personality. At 6 months I can see so much of myself and my husband in him. For example, the above video shows Abe reviewing peas. He had soooooo much to say. Originally, I was trying to capture him blowing raspberries while eating. Instead, the second I got out the video camera he started talking all about his food. I was holding my breath to keep from laughing. At the end he's completely focused on his toes.