Just finding out...

This past Sunday I found out I was pregnant again. I just had that feeling. You know, the one that says "all signs point to this outcome dummy". So I took a test, got a positive result, which I knew would happen, then told my husband, called my mom, and texted my brother and sister-in-law. Due to a previous miscarriage this announcement won't be making the rounds on Facebook (for awhile) and won't be told publicly for quite some time, but this Babycenter app told me I should start a pregnancy journal, so here I am- blogging (how 21st century of me...). And I know, this is completely public to the world and even my family could see this if they cared to look, but they won't so I feel like I cna write and share my experiences with other moms-to-be. So, while I am happy to be pregnant, I am also feeling off about it. My first pregnancy, that ended in miscarriage, felt a lot like this one, so that scares me. No "normal" symptoms. I had implantation bleeding, I have headaches all the time, but food aversions and cravings, nausea, and sore boobs haven't occurred. On top of that, this baby I'm carrying now would have a birthday less than 2 weeks after the baby I lost. I try not to think of the omens, but they're in the back of my mind. I am also feeling a little less than thrilled because I FINALLY found a workout activity I really like. In April I started Kung Fu. I am truly loving every minute of it. It's a great workout, make me feel powerful, and is the one thing I've really stuck to in my weight loss journey. I did tell my instructor because being accidentally kicked in the stomach is something I'd like to avoid, and he says we can "work around this" but what he really means is "you can't do everything so don't try". I don't really want to fall behind in my training. I am so close to moving up belts. It really needs to happen sooner than later because I can't very well roll around on the floor 9 months, or even 5 months, pregnant. I know I seem like a selfish person, but when I finally thought I had some time to wait to get pregnant, and we weren't really trying, here this new baby comes. I know when I see him or her on the first ultrasound, or feel the baby kick for the first time, I'll feel more connected and loving. Now I feel confused and like a bad mom. This is my baby! I should feel connected already. I did with my son. That's the other thing. My son is amazing. He's funny, silly, loving, smart, and everything I thought a kid could be. I feel like I might have to sacrifice some of that for a new baby. We spend so much time together. We play together, go on adventures together, hang out together, water the plants toegther, etc. Will a new baby take away from that? Will Abe resent my for that? So, many questions...